Project #CashMostly Update 8/2016

This morning I converted my phone and internet bills from credit card auto-pay to plain old online bill pay via my bank.  

In my recent travels to Portland, I used a money belt to carry cash so that I wouldn't have to hit strange ATMs.  I own the belt for international travel purposes but it works great for domestic travel if you like to carry an ATM with you.  I locked it in the hotel room safe while there.  Good time saver as well.

Credit card usage is now limited to the following:

  • Online purchases and donations
  • Travel
  • Gasoline
  • Whatever Liz charges (mostly groceries).

I hope Liz starts grabbing some of the excess cash I leave at home before going to the grocery store but I appreciate her getting things for us all the same so I'm not too picky about this.

My friend Karl is really baffled by this project but I am sticking with it.  Yes, it's inconvenient.  But the things you do habitually change your brain and I consider this detox.  It's about choosing to not pollute my brain with habit patterns that don't directly serve me or my community.  It's about being aware of the hidden cost of things that seem free.

Molded by Experiences Beyond The Comfort Zone

Last week, my brother's high school friend, Vinny came to the beach house to join my family for a surprise visit.  We grilled him and his girlfriend for a few hours on what it is like to live abroad.  We found that he has has a number of new perspectives on American waste and excess.   (Clearly, it's easier to see the culture that you come from when adopting the perspective of a bona-fide outsider living in a different culture.)

Vinny has come back from Europe with a keen interest in the quality of the food.  In Germany, they don't as much have to label things with "Organic" there because that's a given. Many members of my family were struck with how his experience living and working abroad seems to be having this effect of making him simultaneously more self-aware and more conscious about his choices in a very authentic way.  

The Vinny that partied so hard at the beach that he lost every other day to a hangover seems to be history.  Instead, I find that Vinny is further down the road to flourishing than I have ever seen him.  

And... Vinny didn't go to Germany looking for change.  He took an assignment from work... and then another assignment... one foot in front of the other.

It makes me reconsider the efforts we put into nagging and cajoling and reasoning with the people we love about how we should be and act.  Often, valid arguments are met with a person's resistance, but even when it doesn't result in a heated argument, I question whether the discussion results in deep and long-lasting change.  What if, instead of wasting a lot of energy thrashing we just enjoy our relations just as they are?

Looking at Vinny's trajectory, I am inspired to hope.  Long lasting personal change might best come from going into the world with an open-heart.  It might come best from living outside your comfort zone, whether by moving to a foreign country or by doing really unusual things in the town you grew up in.

Some of us burn in our hearts to make personal change and growth happen for ourselves.  And if we find ourselves to be stuck in place, maybe we just need to make room for unusual experiences outside our comfort zone to happen for a limited time and let our experiences have their way with us.  

Drip Coffee Doesn't Have Any Flavor... Unless

I'm in Portland Oregon this weekend to attend the World Domination Summit #WDS2016.

I'm going to admit an expectation that I had for Portland: "The coffee hipsters in Portland better know their shit."

Yesterday, I had a pour-over from Case Study after lunch and it was the first coffee I have had that met the expectation. (Yes! This is what I thought I would certainly find here!)

This morning, I popped over to Public Domain for a morning cup I was talked down from a pour-over to a drip coffee since they normally do a blend for drip and they were doing a single-origin drip this AM. I was skeptical and the lovely lady behind the counter offered me a taste.

It has been a long time since I had a cup of drip coffee that was mouth-wateringly tart with an aftertaste of blueberry. It's interesting that my skepticism against large batches of brew has arrived at the point that I no longer even expect it to be good.

So now I have to revise my story about Drip coffee. Drip coffee doesn't have any flavor unless you're at a local establishment that has it's own name on the bags of beans... That they are thoughtful about not brewing charred coffee... That the beans aren't ground far ahead of brewing... And that the brew hasn't sat too long.

At 615am on a week day... Public Domain's house drip does not disappoint.

The Day I Didn't Buy Magazines On My Porch

My brother has a "No Soliciting" sticker posted by the front door of his house.  I don't, but I do have a sticker that indicates how many pets the emergency crews might try to save if there was a fire: 0 dogs, 1 cat.

A "No Soliciting" sticker would be handy if I didn't want the doorbell to ring unexpectedly.  But then I wouldn't have a story like this one to tell.

It's Friday afternoon.  I'm making lunch at home.  Grass-fed burger a la Viet.  My default way of cooking meat, which involves generous helping of fish sauce and a smidgen of vinegar, and either honey or brown-sugar.  

I was in-between helpings... microwaving my rice and long-beans: the perfect bed for my Grass-fed burger.  I see this guy walk up to my door.  Dreadlocks and khakis are a rare combination so I decided in an instant that I was going to open the door when he rang the bell.

The bell rang and I swung the door open to a wide-eyed Dudeguy who was caught off guard.  

"Oh wow!  I wasn't expecting you to answer so quickly... my that smells good!" said the Dudeguy.  

I stepped outside.  It was hot out there so I stood in the shade and leaned against a post on the porch as we talked.  I prepared myself for a sales pitch with one twist... I wanted to hear him out and to see how he does what he does.  

You don't jump out of a plane without a parachute and you don't talk to a sales Dudeguy without picking all of your plays ahead of time.  I recommend it.  You will be immune to nearly all of the curve balls that will be thrown at you.  And believe me when I tell you, they're practiced.  They have run through this script hundreds of times and seen what has worked and what hasn't.  You're never ready for *everything* they have to throw at you.  

Here were my plays: No buying or donating anything no matter what anyone says.  You're here to observe and learn.  Quit when you're bored.

Hook and Build Rapport

"Would you agree..." he started, "that you can look up and read anything on your phone these days just by talking to it."  

I paused... a bit too long.  It was a trivial question designed to have nearly 100% agreement. The first hook.  It didn't suck.  "Yes," I said.  

"Alright... knuckle-up!" said Dudeguy offering me a fist-bump.

So far, he had gotten me to answer a question in agreement and to bump his fist.  These actions are designed to establish rapport.  And it is a really good thing to do when you're a sales Dudeguy coming in cold.  Look at how much we already agree on!!!

Dudeguy now moves to describe why he's talking to me on my porch on a hot day.  

He is going door-to-door selling magazines.  An absurd concept in today's age of everything at your fingertips.  His opening question was a well-designed acknowledgment of the absurdity of this entire situation.  And yet here we are.

He changes our flow with another question.  "Where did you go to college?"  

"Just down the street form here," I answered, wishing not to give away anything identifying about myself.

"How much would you say that college help you to have discipline?"

"I suspect that for most people college isn't where you learn discipline."

"I agree.  That why I'm out here.  I came from Michigan and I am here going door-to-door to sell magazines.  It's something I do to develop discipline and it helps me to support my son back home.  It's... (blah blah blah)".  Dudeguy pulls some papers from his back pocket and hands them to me.  He continues talking but I zone out while inspecting the small bundle of papers in a folder.  The first sheet describes who this man is and includes a full physical description of the person.  The second sheet has some description of points and magazine subscription sizes.  

The third sheet is a short list of people on honey-colored cardpaper.  The list is hand-written by a few different hands.  Each line has a name and a number of points and a comment.  One comment says that the sales person was well-spoken.

"...Oh you can have a look at that!  Those are your neighbors who decided to buy."  said Dudeguy.  This gentleman is here on a disciplined act to build himself, take care of his son, and he has social proof of acceptance from my own neighbors!  Actually, I don't know most of my neighbors so they could have been anyone from any town.  But maybe they start a fresh sheet each day.  

The pitch so far involves rapport, social proof of the local sort, and your impulse to be helpful toward someone who is trying to do something right.  

The Pull of Moral Gravity

The killer-combo of the pitch is what comes next.  Dudeguy knows that the last thing anyone in my neighborhood needs at any price is a magazine.  He knows no one is likely to pay for magazines on their porch for themselves.

An indirect approach is what is called for here.  A story is called for here.  A story about my own good deed for someone else who might really appreciate a magazine.

What he offers is a chance for me, the buyer, to be magnanimous:  If I don't need magazines myself, I can donate magazine subscriptions to a local hospital for veterans or burn victims or children.  They'll take care of all of the details.  All I have to do is write a check.

This is pretty smart, actually.  A geniune, crafty, curveball.  A LOT of people feel some amount of respect for veterans.  In fact, one might even say that there is a debt that can never be repaid for veterans.  And burn victims are just helpless poor souls.  Who wouldn't want to give them a break?

We often hear the term "moral highground" used to describe when a person occupies a position and makes an argument that has advantages given the cultural and moral ideas that are in fashion.  I think that term is close to describing the situation here but usually when we speak of the moral highground it's because someone is taking a swipe at someone else.  This isn't an attack, it's just a bit of manipulation.

We need a new term.  Let's call it, Moral Gravity.  Moral gravity when a position has a favorable moral positioning (because of the ideas that are already in your head about good and evil) for something they want you to do or stop doing.  Being on one side or the other of moral gravity is the difference between rolling a large stone downhill vs. uphill.  

Donating to veterans or victims has the benefit of moral gravity on its side.  Veterans and victims are easy to imagine.  We may not all imagine the same thing but we can picture something.  And they are easily placed in the category of being worthy of generosity for most people.

Most people would rather think of themselves as generous than stingy.  They like to think of themselves as altruistic rather than selfish.  Hello, Moral Gravity, my old friend!  And if I, as a person, haven't thought too hard about this, then I will tend to compensate for my usual pattern of self-interested behavior with poorly thought-out random acts that are specifically designed not to benefit myself.  Hello, altruism!  

But the devil of altruism is always in the detail of whether the act is a clear benefit to the my designated beneficiary.  And frankly, I don't have the time to give this a lot of thought on the porch.

And this is why you don't make decisions on your porch with some sales Dudeguy chewing on your ear.  (Frankly, this is why altruism is a trump-card of sales Dudeguy manipulation)

Three Parties Are Better Than Two

The person who created Dudeguy's pitch was smart to invoke the power of veterans and victims in hospitals as an easy-to-visualize beneficiary.  **And** he/she was also smart to make this a three-party transaction and to put themselves at the apex of the three parties.

  • Uber is a three-party transaction: you, driver, uber.  
  • AirBNB is a three-party transaction: you, homeowner, airbnb.
  • Google is a three-party transaction: you, search-engine, advertiser.
  • The examples go on:  Ebay, Visa/Mastercard, Facebook

The middle-man consistently makes a lot of money in these three-party transactions.

 

But here's where the final bit of genius is.  The sales pitch has been refined so that we now have three parties and good will toward each.  

Toward the sales Dudeguy, for doing what he can to be "disciplined" and take care of his little boy rather than "making trouble on the streets".  Why wouldn't you want to help him?

Toward the beneficiary, because of their service or victimhood.  Why wouldn't you want to help them?

Toward myself, most of all, for being generous and unselfish.  Why wouldn't you want to be this idea of yourself.

Everyone wins!  Right?

The Dudeguy was closing on me and so it was time to end this exchange.  

I told Dudeguy that I never buy or donate anything last-minute without planning for it.  And immediately, he started to extract and move on.  As he was backing off, I noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead.  I praised him for being out there in the heat trying to do what he was trying to do and offered to "knuckle-up" again for how awesome it was that he gets out there to do his thing.  But he wasn't interested anymore.  

I guess we had moved beyond the need for any rapport.

He moved quickly to chat up my neighbor, who had just arrived home.

Who Did You Say You Work For?

I didn't really get to ask the Dudeguy about his employer.  But I did remember a "D" and a "T" from the badge around his neck.  So when I went inside to eat the second helping of lunch, I punched in a search for "d t door to door".  What I found isn't very flattering.  

Yelp has review after review of confused and angry wondering aloud if they were suckered by "high-pressure" sales tactics.  Many of them report issuing stop-payment orders on their checks after doing the research.

The Atlantic has a troubling story entitled, "Trapped Into Selling Magazines Door-to-Door". It doesn't mention D&T by name but it describes a scenario which could easily be what this young man faces:

...Young was hundreds of miles from home, and she worried that if she failed to deliver, she wouldn’t earn enough to make it back to her kids. “If you sell too low or you’re a troublemaker, they’ll leave you,” she said. “And I ain’t got nothing.”

Young is one of tens of thousands of people working for door-to-door magazine crews, and the fear of being left behind is nearly universal. “I’ve been working on crews for three years, and I’ve been abandoned 11 times,” said Stephanie Dobbs, a mother of three who worked with another company, Young People Working, LLC, until being stranded in Cloverdale, Indiana, last month. “But I keep going back. I’ve got to do something to support my kids, and this is fast, easy cash if you’re a good seller.”

I'm not sure what conclusion to draw about this except to say that trying to provide direct help to people that you don't know can be complicated by exploitation and unintended consequences.  You just can't suspend your judgment and you have to have your own reasons for doing things.

As someone who has read Ayn Rand and did not find the ideas repellant, I can say that a person who represents their long-term self-interest will always have a clear story for why they are doing something.  And blind acts of hit-and-run helping of others don't pass muster.  

This doesn't mean that you have to forever swear off random acts of kindness.  

Even with my cold, calculating reason making all of the calls, there was one night on the way home that I encountered a person and his car pulled over just outside my neighborhood.  This person had a flat and no clear idea of how to deal with it.  

There was no risk of exploitation or unintended consequence this scenario.  The biggest risk was that I'd get hit by a car.  So I pulled over and gave up some sleep to lend a hand.  I walked him through each step of how to change his tire but I made him do all of the work so that next time he has a flat, he will have been through the steps at least once.

The thing about random acts of kindness is that helpful action may not be benign.  It's not always easy to get a clear idea of whether any action you can take will be help or harm.  Help your daughter to tie her shoes every time and you deny her the opportunity to practice her motor control.  

I think a good rule of thumb is to take no action to help unless you're clear about the help/harm balance.  Act responsibly, and always with with kindness.  Sometimes even act on impulse, but never at random.


The Tale of Apollo and Squirt

I heard a story yesterday from my friend, Apollo, about a time in his life when we was hired to coach a kid who was just starting out doing a tech support job. I will call the kid "Squirt".

Squirt was competent and reasonably honest but had a lot to learn about attitude and how to deliver good service. One day, following a call with a customer, Apollo walked Squirt back through the content of the call review how it went. During this chat, Squirt referred to the customer as, "such a douche" and Apollo had to set him straight. (In fact, Squirt was totally wrong in this case and the customer had a valid grievance)

Not long after, Squirt was picking Apollo's brain on how to go about asking the boss for a raise. Apollo, rather diplomatically, didn't say exactly what he was thinking. Instead he had cautioned Squirt that it was much too early. If Squirt was going to make a plea for more money, his case was pretty weak. While he might be able to make a claim on cost of living, he most certainly hadn't yet arrived at a point where he could justify a raise on merit.

Apollo asked what it was all about. As they discussed Squirt's cost of living, Apollo learned that Squirt had been living in an apartment with a deadbeat ex-girlfriend that had cheated on him and, in addition to not working, was not paying any part of the rent or living expenses. And she was seeing another man.

My sense of humor overtook my listening for a moment: I had interrupted Apollo's story to ask about Squirt's parents. Where were they in this picture? Did they deserve a punch to the face? I kind of imagined that they did.

But Apollo was pretty sure they didn't. Somewhere between Squirt's upbringing and this situation something went wrong. He said that Squirt had parents that were trying to give him the right advice but, for whatever reason, he couldn't quite hear them out.

How lucky for Squirt that he got a mentor like Apollo. How lucky that they talked about topics beyond the scope of the job. How lucky Apollo's advice found willing ears. Squirt ditched the ex-girlfriend, told the woman to have her new boyfriend pay for things. Squirt moved back in with his folks and that solved some of his problems on cost of living.

And that's the end of the tale of Apollo and Squirt. (Stories in life don't end with happily ever after. They are the beginnings of the next story arc.)

Two Things I Notice

One

Where do the young learn self-esteem? Where do they learn integrity? Where do they learn the value of hard work? If they are lucky, they have an Apollo to teach them, or families and friends that can still reach them.

Thank goodness for people like my buddy, Apollo. He helped Squirt to discover within himself his own capacity for integrity and humility.

I hate to think of anyone choosing the indignity of being a doormat to manipulative people, as Squirt was for his ex-girlfriend.

How is it that he never learned how to deal with these kinds of people?
Did he fear confrontation?
Did he fear destroying his self-image?

Two

How much time would it have saved if Squirt had been able to actually hear what his parents had to say? For whatever reason, families tend to develop some muscle-memory that prevents important discussions.

The story of an obviously bad relationship that no one can talk another person out of is a story that is surprisingly common and usually pretty boring. Why is this common in our culture?

Is there a way to practice tone/approach for families so that an emergency channel is available for those discussions that happen when it really matters?

I hope so.

The Hidden Costs of Things (Total Cost of Ownership)

Determining the total cost of any thing isn’t something that we, as human beings, are automatically good at being able to figure out.

At RailsConf 2012, Rich Hickey is recorded saying that:

Programmers know the benefits of everything and the tradeoffs of nothing.

This is a reconstruction of the Oscar Wilde quote but as applied to programmers.

Lord Darlington. What cynics you fellows are!
Cecil Graham: What’s a cynic?
Lord Darlington: A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Cecil Graham: And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.
Lord Darlington. You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.

  • Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan

As programmers, we do get excited by technology and conventions and ways of doing things. And we are really bad at considering the total cost of the things we put into practice.

Hickey’s talk is about simplicity and complexity... not prices and total cost. He describes complexity as things being interwoven and simplicity as things being independent of one another.

We are staring at some universal truths here: Total cost is harder to determine when things are interwoven.

What follows is a collection of vignettes (or drive-by-shootings if you prefer) on examples of hidden costs I notice when I look around at my life.

Credit Cards and Cash

Total Cost of Ownership is behind my reduced use of credit cards.

The 2-3% transaction fees are really hard to perceive. They are built into the prices of everything these days. Because it is built into the price, people who pay cash end up paying toward those expenses even when they use cash (exceptions go to those places that post a different price for cash transactions).

Part of the cost is also in habit-formation. Rewards programs want you to swipe as often as possible. And rarely do we stop and ask questions like these:

  • Do I spend more carelessly with a credit card?
  • Am I less able to notice how quickly the total grows?
  • Is it easier to notice how quickly my wallet shrinks if I use cash instead?

And, finally, for those of us who use credit cards to borrow money. OH. MY. GOSH. Paying the finance charge each month is loss of money for no reason and if you don’t pay enough to reduce the principal balance, your debt will grow and compound.

Here is an attitude to internalize: You don’t have to borrow money from credit card companies. EVER. If you’re carrying a balance month-over-month, you can be certain that your life would be improved if you cut up your credit card and pay down the balance as quickly as possible.

Cash is simple. It is crude. And it will help you to manage your money better. And it will never become a compound debt.

Vehicles: High Price, Tendency to Rot, Maintenance Cost, Societal Cost

Vehicles rot when they sit there. They bake in the sun. The batteries die. Water separates from the gasoline and the tank may rust out. Tires may become warped from sitting too long.

The cost of a car (or motorcycle), especially any vehicle beyond a single car, is that you must operate it from time to time.

The total cost also includes paying insurance premiums, property tax, registration fees, and the costs to keep inspections current.

Depreciation is a cost we know well but spend a lot of time trying not to think about. It only matters when you try to sell the car so people who drive a vehicle until it is not maintainable have an advantage.

The cost to maintain roads and parking lots and to police the streets is a huge hidden cost that we don’t think about very often because it is something that is “provided” by the government. There are economic costs and ecological impact that are difficult to fully comprehend.

The Free Internet’s Costs: Time, Privacy, and Fraud Risk

Facebook.

Oh, Facebook. We spend so much time on you. We feed you. And you give us less and less and less.

We pay nothing for Facebook. So it seems like it’s free. But it takes enormous amounts of time and entails large-scale habit formation.

Like Google, they have gotten into the business of selling our attention in a very targeted way with an understanding of our likes and interest. Free isn’t free. It never was and never shall be. It’s either paid for by you or paid for by someone else. There are NO exceptions.

Google and Facebook are paid for by advertisers. Wikipedia is paid for by donations. Advertisers seek to modify your behavior for their profit. Which of these will do less harm to your long-term interests?

The question is whether you want to accept the trade when you consider the total cost.

Some free services from Google have also been phased out. You may spend a lot of time to adopt a free service only to find out that the service provider is not going to provide the service any longer. Free isn’t free. It never was and never shall be.

Mint.com offers you deeper insights into your finances. The price is "free" but they use your financial information to sell you financial products. It also requires a login to all of your online financial account so that they can acquire your monthly statements. Part of the total cost is your increased exposure to risk of having your accounts compromised by others.

Applying This Broad Mind to Everything

Getting yourself into a practice of seeing what is not easy to see is a hard trick. Not only are there hidden costs to things, there are hidden benefits.

Things That Have Hidden Layers of Cost

Really, just about anything we can look at has a hidden cost to it.

  • Any kind of financing
  • Gmail / Facebook / Blogs
  • War
  • Chinese Manufacturing
  • Anything You Can Buy
  • A Desk Job
  • Eating Out
  • Exercise or Sedentary Lifestyle
  • Torrenting Copyrighted Materials

Types of Cost

  • Price / Maintenance / Depreciation
  • Habit formation (especially habits that don’t serve you)
  • Time / Opportunity Cost
  • Money
  • Space (in your house)
  • Presence
  • Connection
  • Awareness
  • Capability
  • Rot/Deterioriation
  • Optionality
  • Underpaid and Discouraged Artists

Types of Benefit

  • Money
  • Automation
  • Skill Development
  • Discipline / Practice
  • Convenience
  • Consistency / Uniformity / Standardization
  • Insights and Analytics (think Mint.com)
  • Novelty / Shiny New Things
  • Opportunity to Connect/Reflect

Voting Pro

Rights ought to be simple to explain, fundamental to living as a human among other humans, and applicable equally to all persons. They ought to describe the things you don't have to seek permission to do and the things one may never do to another.

And neither of the major parties gives a damn about them if you look at their actions rather than their rhetoric.

The simple kinds of rights: life, liberty, property aren't sexy. No one talks about them much. They don't slice people into voting blocs that take to the streets. They are a subtle sort of thing you only notice when they are absent.

A rare event in American elections occurs whenever you choose to vote for a candidate because that candidate most closely represents your values. The "pro" vote. Most of the time we get convinced that defeating a candidate is more important than who gets into office.

But consider who benefits by getting people to think that every election balances the nation on a knife's edge. Consider who gains when you put principle aside, time after time, to deal with each threat of disaster. And, looking back from a point years in the future, consider what would we give to have voted our values all along.

We can choose the game we are playing. And if we do, we can honestly tell ourselves, "this is not a problem I will struggle with. I'm playing the long game. I'm voting 'pro'."

References

Gary Johnson Makes Pitch to Burned Sanders Supporters

Follow The Sun Week 3: The Beauty of Structure

The most delightful and unexpected outcome of our follow the sun experiment is that the sunlight imposes structure on our days.  Liz and I would never have chosen to read during dinner and then walk and talk after sunset before this experiment.  But the limitations imposed by sunset created the conditions where it is now justified to do this. The structure of our days forces us out of what had been the default into something else: a new opportunity to make an intentional choice about what we do with our time.    

How long do we intend to keep on doing this?  Probably for the next month at least.  Then August will come and shatter this structure with some family beach time.  Family time is well worth it, I think.

How could we continue this into the winter?  I am thinking that we can keep the summer sun schedule.  Awake at 0600.  Lights out at 845p.  Make up the shorter days with artificial lights until lights out.  Could be good.

A Close Look at Genocide: Rwanda

If you're feeling dark about the state of humanity based on killings in news in the USA of late, you might benefit from the perspective of understanding exactly how far down the pit of darkness goes.

The full tour of the darkness of humanity needs to include a look at the Rwandan Genocide. According to Wikipedia:

The Rwandan genocide, known officially as the genocide against the Tutsi,[2] was a genocidal mass slaughter of Tutsi in Rwanda by members of the Hutu majority government. An estimated 500,000–1,000,000 Rwandans were killed during the 100-day period from April 7 to mid-July 1994,[1] constituting as many as 70% of the Tutsi and 20% of Rwanda's total population.

But Wikipedia doesn't set the atmosphere quite right. It's a bit too sterile. You're looking at things from too far a distance. For a view from the ground, I recommend Episide 16 of the Jocko podcast, "Machete Season" in which he reads excerpts from a book with the same title.

I recommend that you do this and I'll use Jocko's own words to make the case:

  • ...something that I know: there is evil in the world, there is darkness, and it exists and it is real. And it comes from us. It's human. It is people. WE... are evil. It wasn't a monster that murdered all those people: those men, and those women, and those children, and those babies. It wasn't an animal or some force of nature like a tornado or a hurricane or a tsunami. And it wasn't Satan, and it wasn't some mysterious evil spirit. It was us. And that is downright horrifying.
  • But there is a counter to that. There is a dichotomy to that. And that is the fact that while we are the evil in this world... WE... are also the good. We are the light that counters this darkness.
  • We all have the capacity... all of us do in some way... maybe not directly. Maybe not face-to-face with evil. But we can help. All of us can help
  • The message that I take away from all of this is that... WE need to focus on what good we can do to help people. Who can we help get better? Who can we help improve their station in life? What threatened person can we defend? What oppressed person can we free? What fellow human being can we remove from the grip of fear?
  • "What person in the world can we take from the darkness out into the light?" That's the question and the answer that I brought away from this.

It comes down to this: "You can't appreciate the light if you don't understand the darkness."

We can have a look at the darkness. We can appreciate the light around us. And we can focus. And we can ask ourselves how can we bring our brothers and sisters out into the light.

I journey through the darkness to fully understand just how light it is. That's my case for checking out the Rwandan Genocide.

References

This is a Youtube video of the podcast reading. It's only the first hour or so of the video. There's some Q&A stuff in the second half.


Jocko Podcast 16 - With Echo Charles | Machete Season - YouTube

Just Shut Up Already

I like to think I spend a lot of time writing what I notice here.

I actually spend a lot of time and energy arguing. When I see an attitude or a story someone holds as true that will lead to mob "justice" of any kind I tend to try to refute it.

I should know better by now. I should just shut up already.

I have this story in my head that somehow if I can replace enough bad stories with good ones, that the world will change.

Bad story file:

  • All black people are dangerous criminals
  • All police officers are unaccountable
  • All white people are privileged and inhuman
  • All Muslims have responsibility for the global jihadist movement
  • The global jihadist movement has nothing to do with Islam
  • There is nothing about our system that needs to change
  • Voting for XXX for [insert office here] is going to make anything about the world better

Reality file:

  • Most people don't think they have influence over the system or other people

Good story file:

  • Being human is hard
  • It's easier when we work together
  • Most people don't want bad stuff to happen to you
  • Live and Let Live is something we need to live out loud
  • You can't ask for someone's help or influence them while simultaneously judging them (e.g. Calling them hypocrites or privileged)

The truth is grim. To replace a story in my head, I have to practice again and again living out an alternate story. I have to live it week-after-week until it even registers as a path in my brain and body.

What chance in the world do any of us have to change other people? Other than the occasional wake-up call, it's really up to them.

Well... Wake Up America. Time to search within ourselves and try to understand what we can do about the killing.

A Moment on the Soap Box: Victim Privilege

There was an event in Dallas last night in which a peaceful vigil ended with a sniper gunning down 5 police officers in cold blood. I saw someone refer to this as "the tables have turned".

This is psychologically revealing. Want to talk about privilege? Let's talk about "victim privilege".

Things in extreme often become their opposites. Joe victim, on a long enough timescale, tells story after story about his inhuman oppressors and eventually decides to take action. As a victim, he feels entitled to do harm to his supposed oppressors and other members of their class.

Victim privilege is a part of the psychology that justifies mob violence. And it's a part of the psychology that makes a moral virtue out of gunning down police officers.

Victim privilege is the end result of all identity politics. It is a form of mob entitlement.

And it is self-perpetuating. I am only concerned with what others have to say to the extent that they are rational people. As such, I tend to dismiss anyone who sounds entitled. This particularly includes those speaking out of Victim Privilege. I expect I am not alone in this response.

Our silent dismissal is taken as "ignoring" their plight. And the gap widens.

I'm drawing a new line: "We are in this together to figure out how to raise everyone up to the point where equal rights are respected and protected, especially the right to keep living your life in liberty. We respect all life. We don't care about skin color or labels. And we respect the noble burden of those who choose to put their own lives on the line in the service of creating the most civil society the world has ever seen."

If this isn't what you have to say along with me... Just shut up already.

I don't suppose anyone who doesn't agree will actually do that... So: You can call me a hypocrite. You can throw every kind of label at me you want. You can tell me that I'm Man-splaining or Asian-splaining or whatever. You can catalog all of the times I don't give enough airtime to whatever cause it is you think I need to be beating the drum about.

And I'll do my best to ignore you and pretend you don't exist since that's what you're going to accuse me of anyway.

If this isn't you, sorry for the soap box talk. I'm shutting up now.

We Can and Must Do Better

"To admit we’ve got a serious problem in no way contradicts our respect and appreciation for the vast majority of police officers who put their lives on the line to protect us every single day. It is to say that, as a nation, we can and must do better to institute the best practices that reduce the appearance or reality of racial bias in law enforcement."

Amen.

References

Ending Racism by Enrollment Rather than Privilege and Guilt

Following is the latest from another round of replies on the same thread on Medium that I posted about yesterday. This is a rich discussion even though there is a bit of talking past one another.

  • I am challenged on whether I am diluting the original author's experience
  • I claim that writing about racism implies a goal of changing the system
  • I lay out my ideas on how discussion of privilege is often, "an underhanded way of slandering people and “being right” without affecting any real change"
  • Why I think guilt is not enough to affect change and instead we need to enroll everyone

I’m going to start by talking about what we agree on.

Miss Matti’s piece as written is perfectly fine as it is and no one is asking her to change that piece. As written, it moved me to care enough to respond.

My response isn’t neutral. I did challenge a perception. And I did make a suggestion. It’s my right to do this just as it is her right to put into words how she felt about her direct experience. It’s also her right to ignore me if she thinks I am a waste of time.

I would like to clarify that if Miss Dominique Matti feels discouraged or diminished in any way, by any word of what I have written, I will gladly apologize to her directly for this. Not that she should care about what I think other than the extent to which I make sense (which is exactly the extent to which I care about people).

You are right also that Miss Matti may not be interested in changing the system with her piece. But her writing isn’t neutral either. And it just so happens that we are agreed: We do not care to have racism exist at all. Let’s squash it.

And what good would it do to end racism if the system remained exactly the same? Changing the system is implied. This is what I see as the larger purpose.

Yes, I am presumptuous to assume she would care to hear my thoughts on the matter. I am fine with that.

You are right that I have my own purposes. I desire to defeat tyranny in all its forms, including the tyranny imposed upon Black Americans. And I intend to be really nosy and I get involved in discussions that don’t concern me directly but are interesting nonetheless. I intend to challenge perceptions when I think they do not serve the larger purpose.

Maybe I need to check this, because maybe I’m being discouraging or shutting people down. I am taking that to heart as a part of your message to me.

A Pet Peeve: Privilege and Guilt

I will also own that discussions of privilege and guilt are generally a pet peeve of mine. This is not always the case, but I find that it is common: discussing privilege is used as an underhanded way of slandering people and “being right” without affecting any real change.

Here’s how this game works: I declare someone in power and comfort to be privileged. I talk about how my people are suffering. If the privileged react, I know I’m right and I shut down anything they say as [xxx]-splaining. If they don’t react I say that they’re ignoring me/us because of their privilege.

It is sophistry: Heads, they lose. Tails, they lose.

But… The system stays the same. No one grows. No one learns. No new connections are formed. No compassion granted. None given in return.

Well, I don’t say that all Muslims need to change because of the actions of the militants who decide to kill. (Though I do try to encourage that they live-and-let-live more loudly).

And I don’t say that all White Americans deserve to feel guilty because of the actions of police officers, but I do encourage them to take on the system and challenge their own default perceptions.

Some White Americans will read Matti’s piece and experience guilt, as we see in the comments. Others will blame a system they didn’t choose, and accept no personal blame for it, and move on to the next article. I can’t say that they are totally wrong to feel this way.

Most discussions of privilege qualify as half-truth at best. And the act of name-calling detracts from the goal of offering an opportunity to reflect and change and act. It detracts from enrollment.

Enrolling Everyone

> Why should “white Americans” be included in a struggle that only people of color, especially Blacks are engaged in everyday?

Why do straight people go march in the pride parades? Why do Christians speak out in defense of Muslims after a deadly attack?

Compassion.

Humanity.

The best within us.

Squelching racism and changing the system needs to happen diligently and on all levels of society. Your words.

They are good words.

We, who care enough to combat racism, should be enrolling everyone to challenge their own racism and to care enough to work to change the unjust outcomes in the system.

Some people will need to be convinced that it is urgent and actionable to join the cause. This is why I made my suggestion in the first comment. I stand by my choice.

Matti’s voice reaching across all divides will be stronger than mine because her struggle is not one I am engaged in everyday.

Closing

You are as thought provoking as ever, Mr. Clay Rivers. I don’t expect you to agree with everything I have said. Ultimately, that’s what’s interesting about discussion.

I hope you can grant to my bits of writing the kind of open acceptance that you grant to Miss Matti’s original piece. These are my authentic responses and they come from what I hope are the best parts within me. I have no intent to shut anyone down.

I know I am not neutral, but hopefully you won’t mind if I take your advice also and write “whatever I want in any way that I want for whatever purposes I choose” as well.


If The Antidote To Rage Includes Compassion and Empathy...

Following is a reply I made on Medium on the topics of race, unequal protection of fundamental rights, whether our fundamental American values are to be vilified as lies or half-truths.

I like what I wrote so I am reposting it below.


…watching the lie (“America is a free country!” + “Liberty and justice for all!”) that aids many white Americans in ignoring our struggle entirely is equally painful and infuriating.

But this section where she talks about “watching the lie”, suggests who her core audience is not: white Americans. And I think that is a harmful choice if you don’t like the way things are. You won’t change the system unless you enroll some of them to the cause.

Why do I say that Matti specifically excludes white Americans? Because of her use of active voice: “white Americans **ignore** our struggle”.

My opinion: You can’t observe “ignoring”. But you can observe “inaction”.

Another opinion: Just as I cannot look at Matti’s article and know her full intent in writing it, she cannot look at inaction and determine the intent of white Americans.

Per the top hit on my google search, America in 2016 is:

  • 62% White
  • 18% Hispanic
  • 12% Black
  • 6% Asian

I will wager that the level of **inaction** in regards to the struggle of black people is about equal for all of the non-black categories: White, Asian, Hispanic. I don’t think that Asians, Hispanics, or Whites deserve special blame for **ignoring** the equal protection of the fundamental rights of Black Americans.

So in regards to calling out white Americans specifically, saying that they “ignore” actively is a provocative generalization which undermines the strength of any communication. It creates an opportunity to dismiss her writing as biased in spite of the many truths within. And we cannot begin to think about modifying the system without enrolling a large chunk of that 62%.

If the antidote to rage includes compassion and empathy, here are some things I notice about people, no matter what their race:

  • They feel fundamentally unable to change the system and, even though it is clearly not designed for Black Americans, it is also not designed for anyone who doesn't happen to be wealthy enough to buy a legislator.
  • They are, daily, fighting through struggles of their own. They have to pick their battles. They may not have chosen ours. (And if we think they ought to, it is up to us to persuade them to do so, taking full responsibility for the outcome.).
  • They have limited attention spans and **ignore** most of everything that goes on around them because that’s one of the key functions of their brains in order to manage all there is to notice.

These are true for whites as much as anyone else. It’s true for Muslims. It’s true for gays.

We are all human. Most of us are more worried about the world than we admit.

Most of us are too caught up in some kind of game, trying to learn and cope with rules for a game we didn’t choose but started playing somehow anyway.

Most of us never even ask if the game is worth playing.

Most of us don’t even notice that we’re playing a game.

A final opinion — This is the real battle: We’re not trying to get people to stop ignoring injustice, we’re trying to get them to notice it. To understand the importance of turning their attention toward fighting it in spite of their own pressing struggles. To take the time to patiently talk and come up with ideas about where to begin. To craft a long-term vision which will inspire persistent action.


Affirming Your Inherent Worthiness By Turning a Question into a Statement

"I achieved X today. Is it enough?"

The answer will depend on your criteria. And if the answer isn't an obvious "yes", it's worth noting that the question is an anxiety inducer that doesn't entail any kind of decision. You might just as well be asking, "Do I have permission to feel good about my day?"

If you're asking, by the way, I'll grant you permission: the answer is "yes". (From whom exactly are we seeking permission anyway when we ask silly questions?)

You can always decide to feel good about your day by choosing your criteria. Here's an example: Any day above ground is a good day.

More importantly, you can choose the game that you are playing. A game I am fascinated with is turning useless questions of evaluation into a statement of assessment and inherent worthiness.

"I achieved X today. It is enough."