Staging a Self-Intervention Using A Low Information Diet

An aquaintance on the bookface asked what she ought to do about the fact that she has experienced a panic attack each morning since the election. How do you redirect the fear into constructive action.

I gave this advice with the idea that the fear doesn't have to be accepted at face value. Reality is mostly constructed and we are using some pretty manipulative sources in recent years:

Honestly, I would stop getting your news from social media and cable.  Cable wants your eyes glued... so they scare the shit out of you if they can.  Social media wants to cut through the noise so they need outrage  and fear as an attention grabber.
I'd suggest a low information diet for 3 weeks starting today.  Announce  it to your friends and let them know that you will not be on social media as much and to please TEXT or CALL you if it is time to fight in the revolution.  
If you use a password manager, randomly generate new passwords for all of your social media sites.  Then turn off auto-login.  Then logout... everywhere.
No news for 3 weeks.  Then after that, international news sites only for a month.  International news sites will be dialed in to a different cultural demographic which is just a bit off to plug directly into your gut.  It will allow you that crucial extra little bit of mental wiggle room to not be manipulated by the outrage and fear peddling.
Finally, yes... there is real shit going on but no one is being loaded on trains and it's not time for open revolt yet.  You will know when your friends can no longer speak their minds without being arrested or detained or threatened with **physical** harm.  For now, I simply expect that the news vortex you have subjected yourself to has created your world of constant anxiety and panic.  
Time to intervene on your own behalf.

And if you want a great audiobook that will inspire some thought about how we can open up possibility with the stories we tell ourselves, consider this book: The Art of Possibility. The audiobook version was strongly recommended by Seth Godin and I rather agree it has a lot of good ideas on how to work with your mind to achieve open-ness and orientation to what is possible.

An Affiliate link for the same book on Amazon follows (you may have to disable adblock to see it):

Multiculturalism According to Hoyt: An Equivocation of Culture and Genetics

The afterword for The Puppet Masters by Robert Heinlein was written by an author named Sarah Hoyt. It is a really good essay premised on "Heinlein's idea that the individual was the source of the authority–and the money–of the government..." and makes me want to seek out her written works to see what they are like.

This passage from her afterword lays bare some of the confusion that exists in the way we tend muddle the concepts of culture and ancestry:

There are days when I get up in the morning and I take a look around and I think we have lost our civilizational confidence; that the West as the West is ripe for the taking. Part of it is that of course democracies are more likely to self-criticize. And part of it is the misguided–and poisonous–twin notions that a culture is genetic and therefore all cultures are equally valid. (i.e. to condemn any culture is to be guilty of racism, since culture is inborn.)

(If you don’t believe me on this, look at any school curriculum. Culture and ancestry are used interchangeably as they are in almost every conversation. I’m more acutely aware of this than most, since every stranger finds it incumbent upon him or herself to tell me that I must teach Portuguese to my American-born American-raised sons, or deprive them of their “culture”. I would accept the idea that it would be good for them to know the language spoken by half of their ancestors, but Portuguese has not now and has never been their “culture”.)

On the heels of these misguided notions follows the even more poisonous notion of ancestral guilt. That because our ancestors were “imperialists” or oppressed people in other parts of the world, we owe anyone who was ever oppressed–a fate that is bizarrely assumed never to have befallen any Caucasian population–the courtesy of rolling over and dying on command.

Culture is not genetics... it is an amalgam of practices. Any culture should be fair game for criticism since cultural practices can result in tragic violations of rights, wanton destruction, oppression, nihilistic hatred of the good, or mere waste. These deserve to be discussed and argued against.

If we can't talk about what's wrong about what we do, how can we hope to ever do better? The false coupling between culture and ancestry ought to be discarded along with the notion of ancestral guilt, which doesn't to anyone a lick of good.

We Are Wary of Outrage... and No Mob Can Have Us

Those of us who refuse to be whipped into a mob are few but feisty.

We arm our intellects. We prepare ourselves to recognize manipulation and deception. We know our core principles and convictions.

We are wary of outrage... We know it to be seductive and a key tool to uncenter us without our notice.

We acknowledge and affirm that no one can ever take our reason from us without our acquiescense and that we can surrender it in subtle ways. We make a practice of not yielding it.

We commit ourselves on this day and each day forward that we will move only on our own best individual judgment... never in haste or anger... responding, not reacting... with resolve or defiance as the situation calls for it.

We are no mob and no mob can have us.

What You Can Infer About Voters

In my social media feed there is a lot of shock and grief. And there is a lot of anguish about the narrow majority of Americans that elected Trump in spite of his outrageous behavior and pandering to bigotry.

To my friends of the liberal sort, their most important criteria was Trump’s blatant bigotry and they considered it important to vote for Hillary in order to vote against bigotry. Though a significant number were also truly enthusiastic about her “qualifications” for the office.

My friends of the conservative sort had many valid reasons for voting against Clinton. Handing a symbolic defeat of bigotry may not have been their most important criteria for voting. For some it was about gun rights. For some, the threat of more liberal activist supreme court justice nominees that would have been guaranteed under a Clinton regime. A large number on the conservative side were enthusiastic about him as well.

I think the idea of getting enthusiastic about someone running for president is ludicrous. Which person would I like to dilute and destroy individual rights this time?

I tend to vote based on who I think would be the best steward to protect the fundamental American rights to life, liberty, and property. In this election, neither candidate was good on fundamentals. Primary after primary, we choose candidates who do not even give lip service to these rights, but I don’t go so far as to say that a majority of voters repudiate these values.

I do think that individual rights are not given enough weight in the minds of voters because they don’t know how important they are to human thriving on Earth. They take these rights for granted… that so long as we have the vote, we can enact any government program and it won’t destroy these rights. It’s simply untrue.

All of that being said… It is not logically defensible to judge exactly what voters in this election repudiated just because you happened to declare that the election was about some specific priority. The individual is the unit of decision making power. Maybe they agreed. Clearly they didn’t. Everyone had to decide for themselves what was the most important thing to defeat and vote or not vote accordingly.

So what can we actually infer about voters based on the election results? They expect politics to be dirty. They expect the other side to lie and spin. They create their own social media echo chambers so they no longer have to hear offending opinions.

Do they reject social equality? Some do. And some reject the manner in which it is being exploited. But the election says nothing about this other than it wasn’t top priority.

Do they reject gender equality? Some do. But the election says nothing about this other than it wasn’t top priority. (Also, observe that it is every bit as sexist to vote for someone because they are female as it is to vote against them if it is one of your key criteria.)

Do they reject political correctness and multiculturalism? No question. And on this point, I believe they are right to do so. These are the biggest threats to free thinking and free speech. They cause self-censorship and foster no discussions on important topics. When you can no longer discuss things, people tend to resort to force because it is the only means left.

At some point, the elephant in the room must be dealt with. If you prefer non-violent means, you must discuss.

A presidential election campaign is not the place to have a discussion on what kind of society we wish to have. It fosters the worst kind of communication possible. Every message is guaranteed to get mangled and distorted by the opposition. What comes through is a mere caricature.

We cannot afford for elections to be the main expression of our hopes and values. Voting is just about the least important civic action as a citizen in a free democratic society. A final summation to all of your thought, action, and discussion.

The appropriate place for thoughtful discussion to begin is on our blogs. Here we can reason out our ideas for what is good and bad. Think things through. Support our positions thoroughly, eliminating fallacies and hyperbole through the process of editing.

We can read the arguments of others in good faith.
We can follow up with face-to-face chats.

We still have a republic that respects free speech. Let us use it.

If we do not exercise the right to speech in order to defend individual rights over and above all other government priorities, it may one day come to the point where freedom of speech is no longer respected by the government. And where you cannot speak, you must fight or escape.

Project Update: #Uke50ByHeart

Following WDS 2016, I decided a couple of things. Primarily, that I don't have singular focus and that I am not sure what I would be willing to focus on at the exclusion of all else. I've been a guy with too many hobbies for a while: Dance, Photography, Bass Guitar.

One of the small-but-powerful ideas I took away from WDS came from the artist Judy Paul from Austin, whom I had the chance to go for a couple runs with while out in Portland. She had been a graphic designer and, when she decided to buckle down and start shipping art, began with 50 pieces themed on trees. (check out her instagram... it'll really spice up your feed)

So I decided that it's okay to settle on projects that have this structure: "I will ship X number of some creation". And the first project supports something that has been in progress for a year now. I've been learning to play ukulele since summer 2015.

Structure and Accounting

To put a serious structure around Ukulele, I have committed to this 50 songs by heart project with the goal that I can take my Uke anywhere and just start playing songs. I started this back in late August or so. And I have noticed since that this is the sort of project that can drag on and on.

So in order to ensure it won't drag on forever, I have this fancy spreadsheet to track what songs are on the list and how I am doing. I don't have a specific timeline for completion but I think I am just around the corner from working out a system.

  • I will practice a song without the sheet music before me first and only if I forget a chord or lyrics, I will immediately use sheet music and consider it cheat sheet practice. If I can complete the song, it counts as a "play by heart".
  • I am collecting information on when I mark a song active and when I consider it ready.
  • When I have played it 5 times by heart, I will remove the song from active and consider it "ready".
  • Over time, I hope to establish a sense of velocity and be able to estimate a finish date.

Doing It In Public - Youtube

As part of the process of doing this project, I am documenting my progress with recordings and publishing videos of me playing songs.  Over time, I hope to have a progression of videos where I suck at the beginning and I slowly morph into a Ukulele Master.  

In case you were worried that I'm going to get a big head, let me assure you its already much too late for that.  And also, the results of my videos are really quite humbling.  I am learning how to sing in addition to how to play and doing both at the same time is quite a challenge.

It took quite a number of tries to get this rough version of "Georgia On My Mind" down. In truth, I really hadn't practiced it quite enough and I was mostly trying to test the recording setup.

This video of me performing "All of Me" is my second attempt to publish anything. It's my 4th or 5th attempt at recording anything at all. (They're not all keepers and shouldn't be. Some things need to be created and tossed in the wastebin.)

I like this recording much better and it features "The Birthday Uke" which my family helped pay for and is my first K-brand Hawaiian Uke.

No Clear Timeline, But...

So there you have it. Project is in progress. There is no clear timeline but I think I am doing a better job of working out a practice regime that will allow me to complete the project in my lifetime. :)

Define: Debate

I think I finally have this definition laid down.

A #debate is a theatrical production where two or more parties who do not agree and will not change their minds pretend they are engaging in rational discussion of how to deal with specific kinds of problems. The audience of a debate is not there to change their minds on anything substantive or to make any decisions they haven't already made.

A Concerned Letter from Your Best Friend

America. Hi, it's me. I know... we haven't talked in a while.

Look... I know you've been dating and flirting with a couple of presidential candidates. They've convinced you that they're going to come in and everything will be better. There are a whole bunch of things that you don't have to worry about. You'll be taken care of. You'll be great again.

Look. We're friends so I have to say that it's been really hard for me to watch. In fact, it's because it's so hard to watch that we haven't spoken in so long. But as someone who cares about you and believes in you, I really feel like I had to get off the sidelines and say something.

You don't need someone to come in and make everything great again. You don't need someone to come in and fix everything. You never have. You're good just the way you are and getting better everyday. At least, that's true when you're not obsessed with the idea of someone else coming in and fixing everything.

You're hardworking and you're very capable of figuring anything out that you put your mind toward. You're intensely creative and productive. You don't need to be "made great" again. You already have everything it takes.

And lately... you're not yourself. Around these people, you're neurotic and anxious. You're tearing yourself apart as if you're at war with yourself. Frankly, I would never let anyone else mistreat you the way you're mistreating yourself. It's not nice.

These people... they're not good for you. I know they talk a good game but... They're not going to "complete you" no matter how many promises they make.

Personally, I think you should ditch them all and move on. But human nature being what it is, I suspect that you will only come to see how bad your situation is when you can look back upon it having finished your journey through this moment.

So... in this moment, at least choose just one. And choose for yourself the best available, most stable partner that supports and nutures your creative output. Choose the one that helps you to see yourself at your best when you are around them.

Whether you listen to my advice, remember this: You're my best friend and I'm sticking with you no matter what you decide. I believe in you. I always have. Yes, this is true even when you're not yourself for a while. I am here for you.

WDS2017 Tickets: On Sale Now

Here's an event to consider in 2017: The World Domination Summit. https://2017.worlddominationsummit.com/

I enjoyed #WDS2016. I high-fived more people than I can count. I walked across much of Portland. I saw lots of inspiring talks. I got out of my shell.

It's a good place to go if you are committed to generating some movement in your life.

Choose: A Joint Search for Mutually Satisfactory Solutions OR A War of Wills and Ego

However you might feel about the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag and the larger movement, I think we can widely agree that "no parent should ever have to explain to their kids how to talk to the police so that they don't become an innocent victim someday".

If we put together all of the people that agree with that assessment, it is my opinion that we would have a clear majority in America.

Yet, much of the language that I see in the discussion of this is expressed in the language of a war of wills. Those-of-us-who-do chant the hashtag will continue to do so defiantly until those-of-us-who-do-not all give in. Or something...

We don't really know what the end game is. We don't know why we're arguing. All we know is we are labelling more and more people racist. (Once upon a time you actually had to do something against someone to be racist. Now all you have to do is take a nuanced position.)

I'll hazard a guess on the endgame if we continue down that road. A war of wills turns into a war of ego. No one likes to give in and they remember it in resentment when they do. (Yes, this is nearly verbatim from "Getting Past No." Wisdom doesn't have to be original... just true.)

The time for a program of awareness has come and gone. The people who care to be aware have overwhelming evidence that something strange is going on and it's going to be hard work to change it. The time is now ripe for a shift from awareness toward the joint search for mutually satisfactory solutions.

We need ideas. Specific ones. Ones that condemn neither Black Americans or Police Officers as being inherently wrong or at fault. Ones that don't attack white people for having been born white. Ones that don't condemn people who mean well but aren't sure what to do.

Condemning is cheap, lazy, and seductive. Do you have it within you to propose instead?

With specific proposals, we can leverage that majority that I think exists. We can name specific action. We can lead.

None of us chose this situation. No human being would. But it is in the nature of life as human that we must rise to take responsibility for things that are "not our fault".

My Technicolor to a Black and White View of America

Today I read this quote:

In this country, American means 'white'. Everyone else has to hyphenate.

We live in this marvelous age where it's easy to find the words of anything that has been requoted enough times, but really hard to find the original and in-context source from which the quote is lifted. Oh well.

Here's what I notice:

  • A lot of people seem to have repeated this quote. Maybe it means they see a deep truth in it. Maybe it means they already buy into a narrative of victimization and this resonates with that.
  • If I wanted to stoke the fires of a victimization narrative, this quote is pretty damn good for that. How dare they? Grrrr...
  • What's it called when something matches an existing pattern in your brain? recognition.
  • That being said, I don't really hyphenate when describing my nationality. I haven't felt the need. It's the juxtaposition of perfect English coming from an Asian face that I'm counting on for recognition.
  • In some cases though, maybe I am a "black swan" event for them. They never knew Americans like me existed. Well... now they know. And next time, or the time after that, maybe they'll recognize.
  • The hard truth is this: America is a country found on principles. Not religion. Not race.
  • My opinion? If you accept principles and the responsibility of living in a free society and you expect no one else to pay your way unless they want to, out of the kindness of their hearts, you may call yourself American. I'm really big on any "giving" being fully voluntary. (and... Volun-told is not voluntary)
  • Anything you are born into, you didn't have to earn, and you won't immediately understand it's value. It doesn't make you automatically any more or less worthy of being American. It just is.
  • I was born on American soil. While that gave me automatic status as an American, I didn't start calling myself "an American" until my 30s when individual liberty became a deep personal conviction for me.
  • What happened in my 30s? I read Ayn Rand. (Whoops, I just lost half the audience. That's okay. I know what I learned and I know where I learned it. Wanna learn the core values of America? Read Rand.)
  • Sometimes people who meet me ask where I am from. When I grok that they are inquiring about nationality, usually if they are immigrants, I answer with "where my parents are from" and then I say that I am American: Born in New York... raised on Pizza by Tom and Jerry and GI Joe and My Little Effing Pony.
  • Yeah.
  • No kidding.

Notes From Poke The Box by Seth Godin

  • You may have heard, "there is no try.". Yes there is a try.  Trying is the opposite of hiding.
  • "This might not work" can generally be said about the important things you will start. 
  • Find low-risk and low-cost ways to find out how smart and intuitive and generous you are. 

This Morning's Adventure: Changing Hard-to-reach Light Bulbs on My 2005 Honda CR-V

I put on my gloves and my hat this chilly morning to go to work on changing a brake light bulb and the license plate bulb for my 2005 Honda CR-V. I was planning to do this last weekend but the weather became quite rainy and I'd rather take a cold sunny morning than a gray and chilly afternoon for this sort of work.

Videos are Great for Teardowns!

A resource that exists today that didn't have all of the information that existed 9 years ago is Youtube. When I need to know how to take apart a part of my car, I refer to a video on youtube. There are many generous videos that help me to figure out how exactly many screws there are, and whether they are hidden by covers.

For instance, on my CR-V, the passenger-side rear light assembly is held in place by two hex-shaped screws and only the top has a cover which needs to be removed by a flat-head screwdriver. Then a philips head screwdriver can be used to remove the screw. The bottom screw requires closing the side-hinged rear gate most of the way in order to access the screw.

There are three plastic tabs which keep the assembly in place thereafter and, having seen that from the video, I also knew that I could apply a bit of force to get them to pop free from their anchor points. With the benefit of the teardown, I would not have known whether applying force would break anything. This is a key factor which holds me back from working on my own car: the fear that I will break it.

Trust But Verify

I did not have all of the correct bulbs. The brake light bulb is much larger than the tail light bulb (which are the ones that turn on whenever the headlights are on).

So this morning's adventure included a trip to the car parts store in search of the correct bulb.

I made two visits to the car parts store to get bulbs. One was about a week ago and I had the person at the desk look up the bulbs and that is how I ended up leaving without having all of the bulbs that I needed. I do not hold it against the gentleman from the car parts store. He did his honest best.

But that doesn't mean my time, and yours, has no value. So I suggest that you verify information yourself if you can. The car parts store used to have a guide book tethered near the light bulbs but that convention no longer exists in the age of the smartphone.

The new best way to verify that you have the correct bulb is to look it up on the bulb vendor's website. Most of the bulbs sold at the local car parts store are made by Sylvania. And though their site isn't mobile-ready, I was able to lookup the bulb listing for my car without too much trouble.

Old Faithful

My car is getting old now. It is a 2005 model which means it may have been in operation for as much as 12 years now. The odometer is nearly at 155k miles. I bought the vehicle with 17k miles.

The headlights are getting foggy. The exhaust is getting fumey. The suspension is getting creaky. Time is not kind to automobiles.

I don't have a solid system on how to determine what to fix (and more importantly what not to fix) given the age of the car. This is something I am working my way through, one decision at a time.

I am fighting my impulses to refresh my car. 150k miles was, at a point in time, my arbitrary limit for when I would part with a vehicle. By 150k for most makes, the easy maintenance years are behind you.

But every single change of automobiles costs money and time. And if I invest no energy into getting a newer car, then the course of action is to continue driving the one that I have and to spend the time making decisions on how to maintain it.

References

There Is No #FollowTheSun When You're Fighting a Fever

I came home from work early Wednesday because I got those aching feelings in my lower back. The aching is a tell from my body. There is a disease to fight and we are buckling down for a long one.

Since Wednesday I have been awake at night as much as during the day. Sometimes because I'm drenched in sweat. Other times because I am freezing. And yet, other times because I am hungry or thirsty.

This was a bad one. When I awoke in discomfort because of body aches, I might eat, and then I'd microwave my hot pad, put it where my hips would be, lie down and plug into a chapter of an audio book.

Sometimes I'd forget to set the sleep timer on the audio book and it would wake me up later. That is the worst. Then you have to figure out how far to back yourself up to get to someplace in the story that you recognize.

Yesterday was Friday. I felt well enough to distract myself with TV or Video Games. But the internet went out and that pretty much meant it was going to be a video game that doesn't require network since the only TV I have is streaming.

I decided to re-play the Quest for Glory games by Sierra On-line. I recently bought them in a Humble Bundle set with some other games. And, when I went out to visit with my buddy Shirin, his youngest boy, Ismail, had reminded me of these gems because, it turns out, he is such a fan of these antiquated games that he had fashioned a cardboard rendition of Baba Yaga's hut.

Connecting back with the title theme of this post, I was up way beyond sunset playing games. I got to bed around 10pm per usual but this morning I awoke around 430am and you can bet I was on my phone a good bit.

Light and Screen discipline is hard to maintain when your body is in a full-on war with foreign invaders. Hopefully, I can resume my previous pattern beginning tonight without the odd waking up in the middle of the night.

It's tough right now. Sunrise is nearly 7AM and sunset is around 7pm. That means 4 hours where I am awake with no sunlight. Night time is easier... I get to chat with Liz.

I need better strategies for my mornings. Liz has been doing a morning priming routine that involves a walk outside each morning. I wouldn't mind starting with some fruit and a walk as well. Follow that with another bit of fruit and a workout.

Hopefully by the time I'm done with all of that, sun's up.

On Culture

Someone on the internet did something and now there's some chatter about something called "cultural appropriation".  So I'm going to do what I always do which is to look at the definitions of the two words, "cultural" and "appropriate" out of context and break it down.

Define: Culture

I gathered 6 definitions from two sources for Culture.  

Merriam Webster

Source: Culture | Definition of Culture by Merriam-Webster

  • MW1: The beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place or time
  • MW2: A particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc.
  • MW3: A way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization (such as a business)

Dictionary.com

Source: Culture | Define Culture at Dictionary.com

  • DC1: the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.
  • DC4: development or improvement of the mind by education or training
  • DC5: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group

What Franco Notices

Culture: Broad and Narrow

As a guy who tends to philosophize, I prefer broad definitions for broad concepts and combinations of words for specific variants.  For example Culture is a broad concept which includes specific incidents of cultures such as 1960s hippie free love and sex-positive polyamorists.

Most recently, thanks to reading Clayton Christensen's, "How Will You Measure Your Life", I've begun thinking of "culture" in the broad sense as "how a certain people do a certain thing" and that's really close to MW3.  

I will scope analysis of culture to this unit: a "cultural behavior".  A specific and repeated instance of human behavior that occurs in specific contexts.  Here are example instances of "a cultural behavior":

  • Software Engineer tend to performing code reviews before merging new source code.
  • Government Contractors tend to collect three bids before making a purchase.
  • Japanese people do not "plant" their chopsticks in their bowl of rice in a way that it would look like funerary incense.
  • Soldiers keep a clean shaven face and short cropped hair.
  • We don't go to bed angry.
  • Practising gratitude first thing in the morning in a journal.

Culture Over Time

Over time a cultural behavior may become venerated and practiced as ceremony or tradition. Some practices are handed down from generation to generation and serve as a bridge across time for people of the present to connect with the people that came before them.

A cultural behavior can become so deeply habitual that the origin of the behavior is lost or diluted.  

For example, why in this modern age of information and science,  do we persist in blessing people after they sneeze?  I don't think any of us has illusions of being able to bestow health or blessings with our words or feelings.  Regardless, this is something that we do.

Also interesting and related is the word "Goodbye".  I recently heard a story by Neil DeGrasse Tyson on a podcast where he laid out the origins of Goodbye.  Once upon a time when the world was a more dangerous place, a person embarking on a journey would reach the town gates and the people they were leaving behind would bid them well.  "God be with ye" or "Goodbye" for short.

We can say the following about many long-running cultural behaviors:  We may not know how it started because it has changed hands too many times.  We just know that a lot of people have done it a certain way for a long time.

Culture: More or Less

Some cultural behaviors serve to habitualize and reinforce behaviors that are desired but difficult to acquire.  

Other cultural behaviors forbid behavior.  We call these "taboo".

Any area in which you have decided to implement a deeply ingrained culture is one that you are fixing in place for some amount of time.  This is important to remember if you are trying to innovate.  

Culture: Good and Bad

A cultural behavior can be good, bad, or neither.  But good and bad are terms that depend a lot on other questions:  for whom?  by what standard?

Whom: A cultural behavior can serve the individual performing the behavior in some case, or it can serve the community, or it can serve no one in particular.

By What Standard: Cultural behaviors, as with everything else, are judged good or bad within the context of an ethical system.  The same cultural behavior can be good and bad simultaneously when viewed from two conflicting ethical systems.  

When viewing a cultural behavior such as male circumcision, how would one judge whether it is good, bad, or neither?  Hard to say but we can survey the positions.

A modern judgment is that it is bad because it inflicts a permanent physical change on a child that has no say in the matter for no clear benefit and perhaps even some detriment.  Other positions hold that circumcision is good because it reduces transmission of certain STDs.

The entire discussion is controversial.  And the way the matter is settled for individual cases seems to be largely up to an emotional decision on the part of parents who have the final say.

Good or bad, the power of a cultural behavior to be continued over time after it has been established is noteworthy.  And any effort to try to change it will also create a new group of people resisting change.  

This seems like a good time to bring up the only two rules I've ever written about people and systems:

  1. Franco's First Rule: There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution.  Systems and cultural behaviors stick around longer than you would ever expect.
  2. Franco's Second Rule: For every movement, there is a counter-movement.  For every effort at change, there is resistance.

They seem to describe perfectly the situation with long-running cultural behaviors and efforts to change them.  

I think I might want to add a third rule at some point.  Here's a candidate:  "Therefore, you can't really hope to change all other people... just decide how you're going to do it and enjoy your life."

Culture and Identity: Us and Them

Cultural practices have a powerful impact for how we see ourselves.

When I was a really young pup in college, I was working as a Desktop PC Tech for a government contractor and one of my users was a sweet woman with a thick German accent named Ingrid.  I recall one time suggesting that she throw something in the trash and she replied with earnest honesty, "I can't... I'm German".  

People desire to be significant.  And one way to instantly be significant is to be different.  On Krypton, Superman is just a dude named Kal who is the son of Jor.  But on Earth, Superman is a hero: Utterly unique!

We as humans can also be contrary creatures, and since we also desire validation and camaraderie, we need some people to connect with on being different.

The perfect storm is a the identity subculture.  Superficially, you can see the power of this in sports and what we buy.  

  • Sports fans love wearing their official and overpriced team colors.  
  • Apple fan-boys a can be found brandishing their new black iPhone 7 devices with Airpods or Beats headphones.
  • Harley Davidson doctors, lawyers, and sales folk love getting dressed up in their patched leather jackets or vests and riding their chrome beasts.

I call these superficial because buying something and carrying it around is a low bar of admission.  If you have money, it doesn't take long to be "one of us".

Identity subculture is also a huge part of building strong online communities.  If you look at sites like Mr. Money Mustache, you can see that he offers his thoughts on doing things a certain way: being intelligently frugal and intentional about recognizing that new shiny versions of the things you already have don't make you any happier.  

...it turns out that when a person jumps to a new level of material convenience, he loses the ability to enjoy the things he previously thought were pretty neat. A cold Bud Light was once a true delight after a work day for the lottery winner, but after the win he quits the job and takes up high-end scotch, poured by a personal butler. Both serve the same purpose, and the pleasure is about the same. 

There is some hardcore truth here.  It takes only intentional use of a label to transform a way of doing things into an identity: Mustachianism.  For example:

...work is such an important part of human happiness, as a Mustachian you will work as quickly as possible to take the money component out of it...

Franky, It's brilliant.  And it establishes a clear divide between the people who are "mustachian" and those who are not.  It creates an "Us" and a "Them".  

The applicable principle seems to be that, "People like us do things in this way," is a powerful promise.  Truth.  And, I'm certain that is a Seth Godin verbatim.  

I have some pretty strong feelings on "Us vs. Them".  I think we can agree that it is seductive. But when is it good?  When is it bad?  The way I measure that is whether it makes an individual behave in a way that is more kind or more cruel.

Let's apply this to some examples:

  • Mustachianism: positive.  People are going to try something out and it will either make them into better people or they will abandon the effort.  In either case, I think they will be happier and more interesting people for it.
  • Harley Davidson / Apple fan-boy -ism: vaguely positive.  Ultimately this is a commercial decision and not really an identity subculture.  But it helps people to connect who otherwise wouldn't and that is a net good for the happiness of most people.  It can also be bad for those who become snobs (when it becomes more about "Them")
  • Americans vs. Muslims: negative.  There *is* such a thing as a Muslim that believes in fundamental american liberty and there is a lot of Us vs. Them narrative that comes up every time a new attack hits the news.  Interestingly, the emphasis in this "Us vs. Them" is on "Them".

I guess a pattern that I see is that when the emphasis is more on your behavior and what possibilities it opens for you, it's likely to be positive.  And when it's about how other people should act, it's probably going to result in less kindness.

Being Intentional About Our Culture

We are in an age and in a free country where we get to choose our culture.  We get to choose the way we do things and see what kind of people we become when we do things a certain way.

When I ask most of my friends what it is they like about the relationship that they are in, a common answer is that they like who they, themselves, when they are around their partner.

This is how we can be with our cultural practices as well if we are intentional about what we practice.  If you've followed this blog for any amount of time you've seen me and Liz playing with different practices that impact our lifestyles and, ultimately, what kind of people we are.  

What kind of a world would it be if we all engaged in lifestyle experiments and documented them for others to see who we become while we're doing things differently?  Would we become a kinder and more open society?  Would we be more creative?  More infinitely varied?

There are things that hold us back that we don't even notice.  We have ideas about ourselves... labels... concern for what others might think.  But, I think that I love other people who are living the most vibrant and creative lives they can imagine for themselves.

So I want to offer you a few parting questions to rattle around your head and we will call an end to this marathon post:

Is there something you want to start or stop doing in your life that you've talked yourself out of because it doesn't fit your idea of who you are or you're worried about what others might think?  e.g. "if I did that I'd be [label X]" or "I would do that but I'm a [label Y] and we just don't do that".  

What if the labels didn't matter?

What if I just was who I was?

As I ask myself these questions I hear these ideas echo in all of my answers:

  • We can look at the practices we employ in our life and add new ones or subtract ones that aren't serving us.
  • If you, like me, shy away from identity subcultures, know that you can just try them on for a while... it doesn't have to be permanent.  
  • We can try things just to try them.
  • We can make our lives less one-dimensional by playing with the rules.

That's what I've got for today.  I will take up "appropriate" some other time. 

Keep writing what you notice.

 

Inverted Incentives: Homes and Mortgages

A person who can pay cash (or can make a hefty down-payment) for a house prefers lower lifetime cost for a home. This means that a situation of high interest rates and low home prices might be preferable to one of low interest rates since low interest rates and low home prices rarely coincide.

The current system of incentives, specifically the mortgage interest deduction, encourages people to prefer debt regardless of home price and, in fact, drives home prices higher.

Finished Seth Godin's Freelancer Course

Wednesday is read and sketch day.  But I took a liberal reading on the word "read" and decided to finish the Seth Godin Freelancer Udemy course I have listed on my NOW page.

I am now done!  Complete with certificate!  

Although really, I'm much more likely to hang my sketch practice on the refrigerator door than that certificate.  These are created from the little nuggets I snagged from the course material.

I've snapped them and uploaded them here for your benefit!

To Enroll People To Your Cause, Respect Them

I just had an interaction online with an author on Medium. It will be my last one with this author. His style of "discussion" is not for me.

The author is one I have had interactions with in the past and they have been mostly civil and optimistic. Increasingly, I notice that he's being more free with his words. And I dismissed it last time when he dismissed my ideas as "crazy talk". This time, I have more data points to notice a pattern.

As background, the author is writing because he would like to get people off of the sidelines and into the streets in support of Black Lives Matter. In his recent article, the author stated:

What I don’t get is how anyone who believes they’ll never be able to understand what it’s like to be black in America (I interpret that as “because I’m not black I’ll never truly understand, so why try”) can believe that the Black Lives Matter movement is making the plight of black people worse?

It sounded like a statement of honest inquiry. So, I wrote two replies: One about how there is no substitute for direct experience. And another relating my experience of initial and evolving reactions to the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag.

And it turns out that he wasn't interested in understanding such a perspective any better. Maybe he's frustrated, but he was also disrespectful in his reply and I decided that maybe we weren't people who could have a discussion after all.

What I notice is that he engaged in name-calling rather than to acknowledge that my sharing of what I notice may have some value as part of the discussion, even as he might disagree. I also noticed some assymetry. As pertains to his cause, he wants you to relate to his experience (i.e. "Understand what it's like to be black in America..."). But as pertaining to my experience, a quick glance at his reply suggests that he only wants me to understand his reasoning.

Empathy isn't a one-way street. Is it?

What sort of person expects your empathy but grants you none in return? Apparently, a person that also can't seem to talk about your perspective without also diminishing it at the same time. He called my words, "floating a turd" and included quips like "no shit". Is this respectful?

Now I have no problem with disagreement. But my minimum bar is respect for what I have to say. And if my interlocutor can't grant me that, our interchange does not qualify as a civil discussion.

Maybe he feels like blame and name-calling and false either-or dichotomies are the way to get people off the sidelines but I know nearly no one who will join a cause because a proponent of that movement was disrespectful to what they had to say.

What An Invitation Looks Like

How would I go about inviting people to come off the sidelines?

Look... You may not agree or even get what Black Lives Matter is about but we are on the streets to protest unequal handling by law enforcement. We may not know exactly what policies to propose, but if you joined us for a walk, we can at least show that we do not support the way things are now. And if you're there, fewer bad things may happen to us while we are out there. We don't want trouble, we just want the law to be applied equally to all. Can you walk with us?

That's it.

I wouldn't tell you what you ought to think or how you need to change yourself (or whether you're part of the problem because of what you say).

I'd tell you what I notice.

And if I wanted your help, I'd ask very specifically what kind of help and explain why it is needed.

As a person appealing to another person's humanity, I would muster every effort to be patient and calm. This would be hard. The situation is grossly unjust, which is a trigger issue for me. It makes me furious. My blood boils every time I think about it.

But my triggers are my responsibility even if they are not my fault. They are mine to notice and to figure out how to deal with because I am a grown-assed man and I take that seriously.

You Can't Influence Someone While Judging Them

The reason I shared my perspective with the author at all is that I think there are many people who would rise to a respectful and specific invitation. They won't do it because what you said made them feel guilty. They won't do it if they have concerns that a demonstration might turn into an uncontrolled mob.

They don't like feeling attacked and don't help those who seem to attack. They're not stupid and they're not unjust, so don't even suggest it.

I think a great many people who are not black do care and would help but they aren't exactly sure how, when, or where. These people need to be organized and lead by some calm, collected people who respect them and do the hard work to enroll them into the cause.

Their daily lives are important to them. Your cause is important to you. Yes your cause is also important to them because it's a universal principle, but that point is subtle and hard to get across. Respect that.

Everyone has their priorities and you're asking people to change it. RESPECT THAT.

Respect everyone.

And if you can't? Then expect people who care to stay on the sidelines. And console yourself with your name-calling and casting of aspersions. Those grapes were probably sour anyway.

References

The Reason You Can’t Understand What Black Americans Are Going Through

Project #Uke50ByHeart - First Update

When I updated my NOW page last week, I declared a new project to learn 50 songs on Ukulele and be able to play them from memory.  The tag for this was initially music and lyrics but I'm going to roll with #Uke50ByHeart.  

Breakdown of Tasks

The tasks involved include:

  • Adding songs to my candidates list.  These can come from anywhere.  I grabbed a song from hold music the other day.  And another one from the Bookface.  Many will come from Beloff's Daily Ukulele book.
  • Determining whether a suitable arrangement/key can be found that I am happy with, or rejecting candidate songs
  • Creating my own tab/lyric sheets such as the one I made for "Make You Feel My Love (Adele)" by Bob Dylan.  This acts as my long-term storage for any mods I make on the song and is especially needed if I transpose the key to one that works with my vocal range.
  • Learning the lyrics and then the instrumental.  Then figuring out how to merge these two, which is usually a bloody mess.

Lists and Accounting

I need to experiment with systems for ensuring sufficient practice and accountability for each song.  With that in mind, here is a quick sketch for what I will use to track progress.  The following stages will be identified for each song:

  • Stage 1 - Candidate
  • Stage 2 - Practice Components
  • Stage 3 - Integrated Practice (vocals over ukulele)
  • Stage 4 - Able to Play Through with Music Before Me
  • Stage 5 - Able to Play Without Aids

Each week, to ensure practice coverage, I will assemble practice lists for songs in Stage 2 and 3.  I'll use these during the week.  

And then on Sundays (play day), I'll toggle between playing with/without for Stage 4 songs.

TBD: I will assemble a page on francisluong.com to give myself a collection-point for all of my lists and song progress.

Complete with bed-head! <3

Complete with bed-head! <3

An incomplete glimpse of what's cookin'.

Stage 4

Stage 2